Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of a plane
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
My worst fear is seeing one of my statuses marked as "exhibit A"
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"