Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
My problem is that all food is comfort food
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
See above or below for better statuses.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
When someone says "Surprise me", I quickly drop my pants.
Just made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips ... I think I need to kill him now.
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?