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Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they`re hatching some kind of evil plan.
Nothing says "My life isn`t going exactly as I planned" quite like being at Wal Mart at 1am.
No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they`re stabbing it? No? How about now?
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"