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I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
You never really know how many inches you`re gonna get or how long it`ll last. Snow, maybe.
I love how people say they`re "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.