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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.