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Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
The police never think its as funny as you do.
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.