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I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
A lot of people are very competitive when playing stupid.
You can`t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that`s kind of the same thing.
Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.