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I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.