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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.