Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job there.
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.