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My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
Serious question: Are doctors sure erectile dysfunction isn`t just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.