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Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario & how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?