Daily Silly Status

My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.

Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.

I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.

So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.

FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END

Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.

I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.

If at first you don`t succeed then maybe you just suck.

YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!

People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.

I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.

I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.

Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?

Good thing I got a college degree I think as I put away the kid toys for the 49 billionth time