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DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?