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I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
What does lolz mean...Laugh out loud zebras?
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.