Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo, because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.