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Which wine goes best with more wine?
Worry: a waste of imagination.
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.