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Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
"You suck! No, you suck!!" - Two women in a threesome
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.