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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
Of all the lies I`ve told in my life, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
and alcohol are now friends.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”