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Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!