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Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
Good for you, people that do things.
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
morning i hate girls evening i need girls