Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
One day I`ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??