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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.