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What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say “Give me the dumbest thing you can think of.”
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!