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I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
A penny for your thoughts. Five bucks if they`re dirty.
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
Save water- shower with me!
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.