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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."