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I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?