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Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
I’m not stupid. I’m just too lazy to show how smart I am.
I`m changing my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts, and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.