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You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
Who knew rock bottom was so crowded?
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, Iām part of the other 2%
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.