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To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
At funerals instead of crying, I tie the dead person’s shoe laces together. It’s not stupid. What if he comes back as a zombie?
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.