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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get...well you know...Oreos.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
Iām going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people Iām going to haunt grows everyday.