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I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
Do you guys know there are "actual" people out there that don`t have a Facebook account? What the hell do they do all day?
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
Lust is not real love and Tombstone is not real pizza, but both are fine when you`re drunk.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
Just made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips ... I think I need to kill him now.
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
I may be asking too much of this coffee.