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Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin