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If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
Real friends show me their boobs
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.