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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
No, I did not forget my password. I distinctly remember it being 8 asterisks.
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.