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When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors