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I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
The covers of this book are too far apart.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.