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I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
Just burned 2000 calories. That`s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?