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I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
The perfect time for a snack is while you’re waiting for another snack to finish cooking.
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.