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If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
Not so great minds also think alike.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
No. My hair magically got shorter.
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.