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Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
I’m not a biologist but I’m pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light