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Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.