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Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
That logical moment when you`re watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven`t taken him away from his parents yet.
When I see you in hell I`ll still ignore you
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?