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I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.