Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me