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There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
"Everybody freeze!" -December
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
Well, the people outside are frightful.
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
I can keep a secret… It’s all the other people I tell it to who can’t.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.