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I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
Went down the gym and burnt 1200 calories today. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven!
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
I`ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.