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Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
High fiving was the original "like".
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.