Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.