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Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
One advantage of growing old is you don`t have to worry about hackers stealing your nude pics out of the cloud.
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with