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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty