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I had s*x with my friend`s wife last night and now I feel awful. She must have had the flu or something.
I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese`s pieces
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
Never squat with your spurs on
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.