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My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
We are the only ones who can control our own happiness, but sometimes it feels like someone else is holding the remote.
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
You will never find the right person, if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.