Daily Silly Status

I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..

PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.

Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail

Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.

On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.

I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.

Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.

Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago

My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them

I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.

You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.

Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?

I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.

Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist