Daily Silly Status

Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.

It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!

Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.

I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”

I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"

When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives

Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?

I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.

I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.

Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.

I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.

I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.

I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.

I bought a book called `How to become an expert at Origami`. So far, I`ve made 1000 paper snowballs.

Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.