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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me " maybe life isn`t for everyone"
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.