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I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
Guess what I saw today ... Everything I looked at. ;)
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*