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Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
I don`t have dirty mind ...I just hav a sexy imagination. ..
According to this BMI chart ... I am to short.
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!