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My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.