Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
5 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
Iām not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it`s okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.