Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".