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My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
Ways to die: Steal my food.
I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.