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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
Whenever our neighbor`s dog is barking, I know there`s either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
Got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.