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Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don`t know how you eat that sh!t".
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos.
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.