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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
Youth is wasted on the young.