Daily Silly Status

"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance

To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."

Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.

Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?

Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.

My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.

I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.

Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"

People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.

you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.

A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.

I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??

When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.

When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.