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I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks Iām not reading it.
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.