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If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones? I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
I am going to open "The Karma Cafe" There will be no menus though. You will get what you deserve!
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.