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I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
If you see me smiling in public it means Iām laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.