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Making an effort in the last of 2014 to cut away distractions so I can spend more time with my iPhone.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners...
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn`t awesome ... That would be scary.
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.