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When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.