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I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
what is the difference between a Fly and a mosquito? ``A fly can fly, But a Mosquito can`t mosquito``
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.