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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
You know you`re up really late at night when you turn on ESPN and 2 white guys are boxing!
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
I fake my LOLs
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes, could you pick me up some booze on your way back?
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I`m so confused
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.