Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!
Iām positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.