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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
If I won the lottery, I could make a whole lotta people miserable
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
When I`m bored, I send a random text to a random number saying "I hid the body... now what?"
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .