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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
Now that football season is here, if anyone`s favorite team loses, they can just blame it on Trump.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to wait 15 minutes in your car before going anywhere.
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming