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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed…. I miss teleporting. It never happens to me anymore.
and alcohol are now friends.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
i only drink on days that end with y
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.