Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
Just noticed there`s no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"