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There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape