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I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
I’m just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...