Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"My phone`s about to die." -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call
How is it possible that we have one hand that can do everything while the other hand is all, “I can’t even hold a pencil”?
GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.
Feeling bored? Go to a clothing store and put "one size fits all" stickers on the bras.
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
“Nevermind.” Translation... You should’ve listened the first time.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
That awkward moment when kids see a toy they want on TV but the can`t get it because their parents must be 18 or older.
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.