Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...
Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.