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Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.