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I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
When people say they did something "like a boss" I just picture them doing it fatter and with less hair
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
I put the hot in psychotic.
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.