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I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation