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Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
Whatever it is ... I didn´t do it!
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.