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Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
All my friends are getting married and having kids or getting really good at video games.
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It`s always fun to act like you don`t see the person running to catch the elevator your in just as the door starts closing.