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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.